It had never been a good marriage. And that was mostly my fault. I was a destroyed human being when I fled my father's house into a marriage I was in no way ready for. I was devoid of love. I was not capable of love. All inside me was darkness.
Bob was consumed with his own world. He was not a bad person, he just took refuge in the things he was interested in. He rose high in the company, and got all the schooling he needed to go even higher. His interests in his personal life were hunting and fishing, and I loathed the very thought of either. I had absolutely zero interest in his hunting and fishing expeditions. He enjoyed basketball, and that was another thing I had no interest in. I couldn't even stand the sound of the crowds cheering and the announcer's loud voice as he related everything going on. Bob and I had absolutely nothing in common, zero, nada. Never were any two people more incompatible.
We met a couple who were also from Maine and befriended them. They played a card game we liked, so we got together frequently to play cards. Then on Saturday nights, we went either to the Fox Den, or to Yonder Hill for b-y-o-b (bring your own bottle) dancing. We'd both be drunk before leaving the house, then danced and drank away the night until 1:00 am. How we never got into an accident has to be the providence of God, because it makes no other sense.
One night a man Bob worked with came to our door. He wanted us to sign up for a couples' retreat weekend that he was sponsoring. I told him that we don't need something like that, our marriage is fine. But Bob signed us up. After the man left, he asked me, "Why did you say our marriage is fine? It absolutely isn't!"
I just stood there shocked. I had no idea he was unhappy. We drank away all our time together and I thought that was good. At least we were enjoying our drinking together. Later, my children would tell me that we got into god-awful fights. I have absolutely no memory of that whatsoever. None. Absolutely none.
So why are you unhappy, Bob?
He gave me some reasons, but I just didn't believe him. We had been together since our teenage years, had brought children into the world, Bob made good money, he wasn't often home but that was ok because he was doing what he enjoyed. Unhappy? I just didn't believe him. Little did I know...
